shinytoaster: (South Park!Alex)
[personal profile] shinytoaster
By what strange process did Channel 4 News wind up with Boris Johnson going on to talk about Tony Blair's resignation??

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Hello, and welcome to Conservative Party Central Office, rolling back the frontiers of socialism since 1978. To help us better serve us, please choose from the following options...

If you are calling to request a signed photograph of David Cameron, press one ...
If you are calling to tell us you think Hitler would have made a bloody good Home Secretary if he'd only been to Eton, press two ...
If you are calling to book a Tory for a TV or radio appearance, or you would like details of William Hague's lecture tours, press three ...
If you are Norman Tebbit, fuck o...

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All our Tories are currently very busy, but your call is important to us, so please stay on the line...

Until we've built Jeruuuuuuuusa...

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Good afternoon, bookings, you're through to Margaret, how may I help you?

- Ah, yes, I'm calling from Channel 4, we're trying to use your internet booking system to get a spokesman for tonight, but there seems to be some problem with availability today, I can only...

We are experiencing very heavy demand for our spokesmen at the minute, as I'm sure you understand...

- Oh yes, of course, what with the resignation...

The resignation, yes. I can offer you Boris Johnson for a seven forty five appearance but he's booked in for Have I Got News For You at ten. You said you were calling from Channel 4, yes?

- That's right...

That would be that nice Jon Snow with the ties, yes?

- That's correct...

Tapping sounds

The Channel 4 News that nightly grills right wing pundits?

- Yes, the very same.

The one from which no Conservative has ever escaped a jolly good ribbing?

- Yes, I mean, liberal bias in the media, hello!

Ahahaha

- Ahahaha

Well, as I said, we can offer you Boris Johnson. His unique brand of second-rate buffoonery and ability to make us all look like complete arses should be just what you're looking for.

- Certainly, we'll take him.

Thank you sir. Your booking reference will be ...

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-11 01:31 am (UTC)
ext_1059: (Sir Humphrey)
From: [identity profile] shezan.livejournal.com
You SO rock.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-11 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] titanic-days.livejournal.com
I admit I was running the odds of you killing me through my head when I hit post.

I quite like the idea of old ex-leaders living out their useful years answering the phones and doing the photocopying at party HQ. I can just see John Major in a peaked cap doing the evening security shift. Chirac, of course, will work in the cafeteria :D

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-11 03:54 pm (UTC)
ext_1059: (Nina)
From: [identity profile] shezan.livejournal.com
Are you mad? Funniest thing I've read in quite a bit. This should be in Private Eye.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-11 03:56 pm (UTC)
ext_1059: (Sir Humphrey)
From: [identity profile] shezan.livejournal.com
Chirac in the cafeteria would eat all the supplies in a week. Bottomless stomach, has our Jacques. When I followed him during the 1995 campaign, I remember seeing him eat lunch three times when visiting various local farms. That same evening, he ate everything that was on his plate, then grabbed the pâté left on the plates of the three journalists closest to him.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-11 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] macloudt.livejournal.com
Yep, I can't see it having happened any other way. :D HIGNFY is the only show I can watch with Boris on because he's slaughtered every time.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-11 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sophie10.livejournal.com
*giggles*

Fabulous :D

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