(no subject)

[shinytoaster]

Spotted at and gacked from mayhap,

Set your iTunes to Shuffle. Use each song that comes up, in order, to answer the following questions:

Question: What do you think of me, iTunes?
Answer: Ecuador - Sash! Feat Rodriguez
iTunes maybe thinks I am a sensuous Latin lothario? I can see the appeal, so right after this I'm off to get my speedo-line waxed and book a session in the tanning booth. Well, Ecuador isn't too far from Ipanema ...

Question: Will I have a happy life?
Answer: To The South - Tan Dun & Yo-Yo Ma (Crouching Tiger OST)
Which as Rio is a long way south of London, I'm taking as a continuation of the theme already established and emigrating right after my beauty therapy. Happiness (and hairlessness) apparently awaits me in South America. Or maybe Australia. I hope they let me take aegeus.

Question: What do my friends really think of me?
Answer: Piazza, New York Catcher - Belle & Sebastian
New York is a city with a peculiar grip on my soul, so I guess this works in some way. I don't think I've ever caught anything in a piazza there, though. This would appear to be making some sort of reference to being struck down with a communicable disease in Times Square. I guess the intense concentration of tourists makes it a likely pandemic hotspot, but all the same I think one is more likely to be struck by a cab in Times Square than, say, malaria. I think we're just going to have to put this answer down to the fact that, i) this is a meme and ii) iTunes doesn't actually have l33t magic-8 ball skills and quit with trying to find meaning in it.

Question: Do people secretly lust after me?
Answer: The Dark Mark - Patrick Doyle (Goblet of Fire OST)
Which I will take to mean that the only people who secretly lust after me are Death Eaters. Is there something you're not telling me, petulans?

Question: What should I do with my life?
Answer: Wrapped Up In Books - Belle & Sebastian
Finally, an answer I can make some sense out of, and an answer I like, as it's something I could very happily see myself doing. One of my many secret ambitions is to run a small dusty bookshop somewhere in Brighton. I am, however, oddly spooked by the fact that iTunes shuffled onto two songs not only by the same band, but from the same album.

Question: Why must life be so full of pain?
Answer: Freeze Sucker - The Datsuns
You know, this answer seems fair enough without overanalysis.

Question: How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Answer: Last Date - REM
This is either a very sad answer, or a very sweet and romantic one, depending on your worldview. I am a pessimistic bastard, so I'm frankly in tears at this point.

Question: Will I ever have children?
Answer: What's The Frequency, Kenneth? - REM
Probably a fairly accurate description of the kind of predicament I'd find myself in in the unlikely event of finding myself in bed with a member of the fairer sex. So that's a 'no', then.

Question: Will I die happy?
Answer: Too Much - Spice Girls
Oh dear. If I die listening to the Spice Girls I shall be very pissed, possibly in both the British and American senses of the word simultaneously.

Question: Can you give me some advice?
Answer: Your Body's Callin' - R Kelly
This thing clearly is aware on some level that I have a one-track mind. But more to the point, how the fuck did R Kelly get into my record collection?

Question: What do you think happiness is?
Answer: Horny - Mark Morrison
Good answer. I sense the hand of some unknown compiler of Now! That's What I Call Music compilations at work here. How else to explain the presence of R Kelly and Mark Morrison.

Question: What's my favorite fetish?
Answer: Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through - Meat Loaf
Motorbikes. Leather. Could be ... or maybe ageing overweight rock impresarios with perspiration problems?

Question: Am I complete freak?
Answer: Meet You There - Busted
James Bourne out of Busted - the kind of funny-looking short one with the bleached hair* - has formed a new band called Son of Dork. They were on Popworld last Saturday and they are breathtakingly shite**. So on the strength of this answer, I am a freak. A hugeass one. But I wouldn't have it any other way

*It occurs me that all of Busted were kind of funny looking.
**We're talking The Noise Next Door shite here