(no subject)

[shinytoaster]

The house is full of random Chinese things, some of them quite weird. It seems that the Chinese government has a hand in the itinerary of these package tours, and so things that the Chinese government has deemed it necessary for tourists to see include a primary school and a whole bunch of factories in addition to the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, the Terracotta Army and a trip to the observation deck of whichever skyscraper is Shanghai's tallest today. This means my Mum's souvenirs include a painting of a panda done by a nine year old. It's a beautiful picture, but I can't get over the feeling it should be hanging on a classroom wall somewhere. My Dad, meanwhile, bought revolutionary posters.

We also have lots of tea, several fans of differing design (and quality) and various puppets that I think my Mum is planning to take to school for her class next term.

I got one of those inky stamp things with my name carved on it, or a phonetic approximation of it, at any rate. I'm kind of curious to know what the ideograms actually say - chinawolf, anyone?. Anyhow, it's very pretty and and it's in the shape of a little carved jade dog, on account of how I am a dog. I'll definitely be using it on my Christmas cards.

It also says Alex in Roman text, for people who can't read Chinese.

I saw the Sad To Be Gay documentary last night, and it was quite upsetting. This guy, David, his name was, had become disillusioned with the whole gay scene and some aspects of the lifestyle. So, he was lonely and he felt he really wanted a kid and a family, and so for some reason decided maybe he wasn't gay, despite very evidently being so, and elected to go on a course run by a group called Love In Action, a church sponsored 'ex-gay' operation working out of Memphis TN. Which was totally the wrong thing to do because, of course, being a secular type he found the whole God bothering part kinda freaky and dropped out after two weeks.

What grabbed me was that David was, in his own words, sick of the gay scene and using this as a means to try and force his sexuality back underground, when really all he needed to do was be taken gently aside and told, 'So? Don't. go. out. on. the. scene. Bitch, get over yourself.' What he didn't seem to realise is that being sick of certain aspects of the scene happens and this makes him pretty much an absolutely typical gay guy. It certainly could have spared him the mental breakdown and several extremely camp guys who were - so gay there are no words - telling him how much Jesus helped them drive out their inner fag. You kind of get how delusional the ex-queers are, right?

So you came away thinking that what David needed was actually not a happy-clappy Christian workshop but a spot of naked bedtop athletics. Or failing that a nice boyfriend.

Joking aside. I don't feel anybody can change their sexuality in those ways, so I don't understand why they try. They only end up hating themselves even more, and some of the people on this Love In Action course were so filled with self-loathing and shame (and had such fabulous dress sense) that it really tore me up inside. The really sad thing is I think I understand how many people don't have a choice and are forced into such situations, and that until the Christian Right loses its claws this stuff will continue happening. When you've been raised a devout right-wing Christian in a conservative area, isolated from people like you, beat up and living in fear as seems to typify the queer experience in many parts of the western world (from the Bush-voting US states to the more macho parts of Oz to rural Britain), I can completely understand how going to an ex-gay ministry might seem like a rational choice, but I just find it so upsetting how people do this to themselves. But if you can't bring yourself to accept your existence I guess, for some people, it's that or suicide. It's so upsetting.

And as for David, I feel it's so stupid to do it for the reasons he did because we can already have kids and families in a same sex relationship, and we'll have even clearer rights on this come November. These ex-gay movements are just so, so worthless and creepy and evil they make my skin crawl. If I were the praying type I'd pray they never make it to the UK.

Comments

[wordplay.livejournal.com]

The thing is, getting sick of your life is such a universal experience. Gay guys bitch about the scene while soccer moms bitch about the soullessness of suburban living, and the truly frightening thing is how similar those two conversations can sometimes sound.

There are a couple of linguistics grad students in the US who are focusing on dialogues and narratives in Exodus seminars (same idea as LIA) in the role of gender and identity construction for people involved in this movement. Apparently, some of these sharing sessions can become rather bizarre pissing contests to see who is (was? fuck if I know) the nellier queen, which does beg the question of what exactly is going on here. From the perspective of a researcher interested in language and identity it's fascinating; as a human being it's absolutely heart-breaking. (And, incidentally, even the task of appreciating the research is difficult - it's a bit like watching a train wreck over and over again in order to understand the way trains work. Watching the people sitting in paper sessions when this data and the attendant analysis are presented is a very meta experience.)

Also, Exodus Europe is headquartered in Inverness.

*uses the atheist icon, as it gets so little use, and this is at least tangentially related*

[hermorrine.livejournal.com]

The thing is, getting sick of your life is such a universal experience.

Word. *is currently quite happy with her life, but we all know that'll probably change by next Tuesday...*

[chinawolf.livejournal.com]

Agreed about the gay-change issue. GAH. ://

And I'd need a scan of what the stamped stuff looks like to tell you what it says, Darling. ^_^ *snugs*

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

:0 Damn, you're no psychic! What do I employ you for?

[petulans.livejournal.com]

Umm... actually, they already did, IIRC. One big group got set up in the early '90s, I think, then collapsed shortly after the turn of the millennium, when they said that none of their members had actually changed orientation and conceded that apparently God had other matters on his mind!

Unfortunately, I think that there's still a smaller group still running regional centres *checks* yep, you can go and attempt a conversion or whatever the terminology is in Belfast, Birmingham, Chelmsford, Dublin, Eastbourne, East Midlands, Edinburgh, Glasgow, London Central, London South East, Lancaster, Sheffield and South Wales.

Praise the Lord!

[benjj.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I saw the sad to be gay thing too. Or rather the second half of it 'cos my mum rang just before it started and they eally don't go together...

David, He's lonely, tired of the scene, if he doesn't go out though he doesn't meet people and gets more lonely. Wonders if it's all a mistake, if there's something wrong with him and it just needs clicking back into place and he'll fancy women. Happens to a lot of people. Why bring God into it though.

But at the end of the day it's a game of two halfs. No wait, sorry, I mean people can spend time delving back into their childhood and past and moaning and hurting, but this is what he's become - gay - whatever the reasons for it - so accept it. Or try and change it. You can't Not accept it and and the same time Not try and change it - so hopefully this thing has helped him a bit and he's accpeting himself.

The paeodophile preacher was a little on the scary side I think.

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

I'm no gay man (clearly) but I often think, as I walk through St James' Street, that I would hate 99% of the 'scene' - like anything else that's prescriptive, I suppose.

and had such fabulous dress sense Bwah ha ha.