Dancing in the Appalachians

[shinytoaster]

Remember that horrible tedious 'modern' Christian song, Lord of the Dance? It's from the same stable as the grotesque Morning Has Broken that, sixteen years after I was made to sing it in school, still makes me want to take out Cat Stevens with a fucking howitzer.

Anyway, it's a very infectious melody, apparently it's based on an old Shaker tune or something, and once it's in your head there's no practical way to get it out, unless you're prepared to listen to Turn Back Time by Cher on repeat for thirty five minutes. That'll generally do it.

But salvation is at hand, kids. It's also used in the Calm and Flowing section of Copland's Appalachian Spring. So now when it gets into my head I just pretend I'm humming Appalachian Spring instead. And everything's okay.

Comments

[freya]

Dance then, wherever you may be, for I am the lord of the dance-setee. *nods*

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

Did you dance for the scribe and the pharisee, too?

[freya]

I am a private dancer, a dancer for money.

On a setee.

Like Tom Cruise.

And I didn't know what the phariseeeeee were either. If I'd been a little older, I would have assumed they were like phalluses. Or I would have told everyone else I knew that they were.

[doris.livejournal.com]

I always thought it was about a settee when I was a kid too. I had weird mental images of Jesus dancing around a big sofa.

xx

[freya]

Jesus=Tom Cruise. We all know it.

[doris.livejournal.com]

Was Jesus a bender and all then?

xx

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

He had twelve hunky men following him around, and then Judas turned out to be a backstabbing bitch, so I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

This conversation is wrong, by the way. Very wrong.

[doris.livejournal.com]

Ah right, fair enough. Plus he did wear that dress and, judging by the pictures, had very long silky hair.

Of course it is wrong. Isn't it great? ;)

xx

[freya]

Absolutely! Mary Magdalen was such a faghag. SHE JUST WISHES JESUS HAD MARRIED HER!

[doris.livejournal.com]

So that would be why so many priests seek to emulate Jesus by not marrying and instead giving the choir boys a good seeing to...

xx

[freya]

Exactly. Sodomy brings them closer to god.

So has it been throughout history.

[phoenixsong]

*dies*

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

And Tom Cruise certainly suspects it.

[freya]

Well, doesn't his scientology rank allegedly give him the power of telekenesis?

I don't think even Jesus had that one.

Jesus had superstrengh and magic brewery powers, but that was it.

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

And fish supper powers.

I'd forgotten about the magic brewery. You don't think he might be related to the Malt Master in some way, do you?

[freya]

Not to mention his l33t powers of resurrection.

And he could ride a donkey!

Absolutely! Brothers, probably. After all, we are all the children of god.

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

I'm not.

[freya]

Who's child are you?

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

I'm a Child of Dave.

It's much better.

[freya]

Oooooooh. You're not related to the Malt Master. That's very sad.

Think of the prestige, I mean, being related to such an important personage.

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

Alas, it's true I cannot claim to share blood with the Malt Master. But Children of Dave get 2 for 1 tickets at selected UCI cinemas, so it's not all bad.

[freya]

I suppose, if you think that free cinema tickets can fill the hole in your life left by the fact that you do not share DNA with the Malt Master, then who am I to deny you that comfort. :D :D :D

[nmg.livejournal.com]

unless you're prepared to listen to Turn Back Time by Cher on repeat for thirty five minutes. That'll generally do it.

I find that an application of The Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens generally does the trick for me.

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

There was a three year old singing that on the tube the other day. Either it was The Lion Sleeps Tonight or he was just saying Wimbledon over and over very loudly.

Either way, I was feeling benevolent that afternoon and so he was not punished.

[doris.livejournal.com]

I can't hear that song now without thinking of people being turned into Cybermen.

xx

[irinaauthor.livejournal.com]

Thanks for that, dude. Now the song is in my head too! I guess I'm off to find a Copland mp3.

[wheeler.livejournal.com]

Everyone at work has been singing that song this morning. Why is it in the air?

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

My inner conspiracist wants to think it's some kind of mind control programme.

[pengolodh-sc.livejournal.com]

I thought Lord of the Dance was that show Michael Flatley did when he'd stopped doing Riverdance?

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

Yes, it was that, as well.

[cirakaite.livejournal.com]

... Right, off to unearth an mp3 of the Appalachian Spring, since otherwise I will never get either that OR morning has broken out of my head. Ever. I've already infected three people at work, just since reading this entry earlier.

[titanic-days.livejournal.com]

I'm in precisely the same position, I really feel as if I ought to apologise.

[stinaleigh.livejournal.com]

The 'Simple Gifts' lyrics (to that actual Shaker tune) are much better than the 'Lord of the Dance' ones.